"The Dateless Game"

Scene 1: Sharkeys
Setting: Tiff and Lorena are sitting at the table and Tony and Sam are at the counter.

Lorena: "Well, tomorrow's the big day! If you and Jake get through it you'll break your old dating record.

Tiff: "Lorena don't talk about it! Oh, knock on wood (knocks on table, knocks on Lorena's head) I don't 
want anything to jinx it. Where's salt. Ahh..(throws salt behind her)

Lorena: "Right. But you got to admit it's pretty cool. 3 months and 2 days without breaking up even once."

Tiff: "Well I love Jake a whole lot."

Jake walks in Sharkeys

Jake: "Hey!"

Tiff: "Get away from me!"

Jake: "I love you too. Hey it's not like we're going to break up if we spend some time together but why 
take a chance?"

Tony: "I can't believe you. You're being superstitious, no no you're being stupidsticious."

Mark and Sly walk in

Sly: "Baboom. Tonight's the night."

Tiff: "No, Sly it's tomorrow night.Jake and I are going to a romantic dinner at the Paradise Inn----"

Gang: "Don't talk about it!

Sly: "Forget that. Im talking about the St. Margarets School for the "chase me and hold me."

Mark: "Sly, it's St. Margarets School for the Chaste and Holy."

Sly: "I like mine better."

Mark: "We're contestants in a charity version of the dating game."

Sly: "And I'm definitely going to win cause Mark's my main competition."

Mark: "You dont know that, the girl wont even see us. She'll be picking us just by personality."

Sly: "Like I said."

Mark: "We just stopped in to see if you guys want to come check it out with us."

Sam: "Not me. I dont have to go across town to see you guys get rejected like a couple idiots."

Jake & Tony: "We do."

SCENE 2: Studio of the dating game. 
Setting- Jake, Mark, Sly and Tony are in the studio and there are girls walking past them.

Sly: "Oh man. An all girls school. I feel like a cat in a canary cage. Meeoow!!

Jake: "Sly, chill out. Look at Mark, he's not going ape."

Mark: "Oooohh, oohh, oohh"

Jake:" Well at least you're not embarrsing me Tony."

Tony: "Oh man, oh man! That's Milt Bradley he's my idol. Hes the best game show host since Guy Smiley."

Milt: "Hi there. Are any of you groovey guys Sly and Mark Winkle?"

Mark: "Oh Oh I am Iam."

Sly:"Yeah that's us."

Tony: "And I'm their bosom compradre Tony Winks!" (winks his eyes)

Milt: "Is there something wrong with your eye? Listen tonight's third guy cancelled out so that means there's 
no dating game."

Sly:"Wait, wait, if we can find another guy can we still play?"

Milt: "Let's see what our judges think. (Ding, ding, ding) You have 30 seconds."

Sly: "Tony you gotta do it."

Tony: "He hated my wink."

Sly: "Forget it he's gone. I'd ask you Jake but I know you're afraid of Tiffani."

Jake: "Hey Jake Sommers doesnt do afraid. I'll play. (whispers) I'll just lose on purpose so Tiff doesnt get upset."

SCENE 3: Stage of dating game

Milt walks on stage

Milt: "Hi there! Welcome to St. Margarets charity dating game."

Tony: "Yes, go Milt! You the man!"

Milt: "Ok, now tonight we have 3 eager guys who'll answer a girls question in the hopes of winning a fabulous 
dream date. And here they are. Ok guys tell us a little about yourselves."

Sly: "I'm Sly Winke. My interests are chicks, kissing and kissing chicks."

Mark: "I'm Mark Winkle. I'm more interested in helping the charity than getting a date."

Jake: "Hey, Im the one trying to sound like a loser here. Hi, like my friends call me Seashell cause if you listen 
in my ear you can totally hear the ocean man."

Milt: "Ok!! Now let's meet our gal. Her interests are calculus, computers, and finding edible plants in the 
wilderness. Hmm.. Here she is Ms. Terry Webber!"

Mark: "Sounds like she's smart."

Sly: "Yah well I can overlook that as long as she's hot."

Milt: "Let's start by having our 3 eager guys say a big dating game hello to Terry. Eager guy #1."

Sly: "I'll show her smart. Bonjourney Baby."

Mark: "Hi diddly doo Ter."

Jake: "Uh, like what was the question?"

Milt: "Terry if you have your questions ready let's begin."

Terry: "Eager guy #1. If you were marooned on a desert island what 3 things would you want to have?"

Sly: "Oh that's easy. A campfire, a full moon and you." (howls)

Mark: :Just 3 things? I don't know if I can just pick 3 things."

Terry:"Ok.. #3"

Jake: "uh uh Hiya Milt."

Terry: "Eager guy #1 do you believe in love at first sight?"

Sly: "I don't know. Step around the partition and I'll tell you."

Terry: "Ohh. Eager guy #3?"

Mark: "Well how are you defining love?"

Terry: "Number 3."

Jake: "Oh I get it. uh Hiya uh Terry."

Milt: "Terry it's time. Time to pick which one of our eager guys is your dream man."

Terry: "Ok. My dream man is eager guy #3."

Milt: "Number 3??"

Sly: "3??"

Jake: "Number 3?"

Milt: "So Terry why'd you pick #3 and I really want to know."

Terry: "Well that smart routine was just an act. Actually I'm a surfer but I didn't wnt them to pick me cause they thought I was a bimbo."

Milt: "But you were picking them."

Terry: "So it worked!"

Milt: "Ok Eager guy #3 come out and meet Terry. It's for sure you're a match made in heaven. And it's for sure Tiffani's going to kill me.


SCENE 4: Studio

Sly: "You weren't supposed to win the game, take the fall, hit the mat and in short that means not win!"

Jake: "Sly I'm sorry I tried. And if you yell at me again youre going to take the fall, hit the mat and in short not live!"

Sly: "You know what gets me the most? I lost even though I was honest."

Tony: "What are you talking about. You were a complete sleaze out there."

Sly: "Hey! I gotta be me."

Mark: "Well lets look at the bright side. We did help raise money for charity."

Tony: "Yah i know another charity that needs help. Save Jake's butt fund."

Jake: "Hey I admit Tiffani's not going to be thrilled but we have a trusting relationshop. I'll just be honest."

Sly: "Ha!"

Tony: "You can be honest all you want but if you go out with that other girl you're going to be on a new game show "Dump the Chump." (In game show host voice) So Tiffani Jake's dating another girl what do u say? I say "dump the chump."

Jake: "But Tiff I can explain---"

Tony: "Sorry Jake you lose! But we do have some nice parting gifts."

Milt:"Hey! You! Winks! That was pretty darn good. You've got potential. Now work on that wink and you can go places."

Tony and Milt wink at each other

Tony: "Did you guys hear that? I got potential. Oh man I got to study. I got to practice. I gotta get some Lee Press on eyelashes."

Jake: "I can't believe I gave my word to go on this stupid date. I gues I'll just have to do it and not let Tiff find out. Shouldn't be too hard actually."

Terry: "Hey Seashell. I can't wait until our date. We won dinner for 2 at Sharkeys tomorrow night."

Jake: "Uh Sharkeys? Tomorrow night??"

Tony: (whispers) "Dump the chump, dump the chump."

SECENE 5: Loft

Sam: "Hey guys, check out what Tiff's going to wear on tonight's date with Jake."

Gang: "Woohoo!" (whistles)

Lorena: "Boy Tiff when Jake sees you in that he'll try to break more than your dating record, he'll be going for the world's longest kiss!"

Tiff: "That'd be cool. Now I can't wait for him to see this dres."

Jake walks in

Jake: "Hey!"

Tiff: "Dont look at me! Don't you dare look at me!!"

Jake: "Enough of this jinx stuff. Tiff I need to talk to you."

Sam: "Come on Jake. You waited this long, what's a few more hours?"

Lorena: "Yah tonight's very important to Tiff. SHe wants it to be just perfect."

Jake: "So I guess cancelling it would be a bad thing huh?"

Sam: "Well that depends. Would you consider removing your motorcycle from your nose a bad thing?"

Jake: " TEll her I'll see her tonight."

Sly: "Youre in trouble now. And you thought you were so cool for having two chicks."

Tony: "He never thought it was cool."

Sly:"Oh right that was me."

Jake: "Well that's it. I got to go on both dates without either of them knowing."

SCENE 6: Sharkeys

Tiff and Jake walk in

Tiff: "Why are we here? I wanted a nice romantic dinner at the Paradise Inn?"

Jake: "What's more romantic than a special night at the first place we met?"

(They are about to kiss)

Tiff: "No Jake! We met at school!"

Jake: "Oh yah yah but our lips first met at Sharkeys."

(About to kiss again)

Tiff: "No our first kiss was in Matt's garage. Whats going on Jake?"

Jake: "Ok, ok I'll tell you the truth. The Paradise Inn serves illegally netted tuna."

Tiff: "No!!"

Jake: "Im afraid so."

Tiff: "THis is so fantastic. We actually broke our dating record."

Jake: "And we're going to keep on breaking it over and over until the end of time."

(they are about to kiss, and Terry walks in Sharkeys)

Jake: "Here we go. Oh my gosh. I left the lights on my bike. I'll be right back."

(Jake changes over to surfer clothes and meets Terry)

Terry: "Hey Seashell. Groovy place."

Jake: "Yah for sure you know. Well let's sit down k?"

Terry: "Ok how about over there?"

Jake: "Not k! Lets sit here by the window cause the seafood will smell more seafoodier."

(They sit at a table)

Sly:"Hey Seashell. You left your light on on on your surfboard."

Terry: "You have a light on your board?"

Jake: "Well yah for night surfing."

Terry: "Wow, where do you plug it in?"

Jake: "I'll be right back."

(He walks out and changes back to his suit and over to Tiffani)

Tiff: "Is everything alright?"

Jake: "Oh yah"

Tiff: "Good, come on lets dance."

(They get up to dance)

Sly: "Hey Jake you a phone call. Its your mom!"

Jake: "Im sorry this will only take a second." (kisses her hand)

(walks over to Sly)

Jake: "A headlight on my board?"

Sly: "Hey its not like I have a script."

Jake: "Oh hi mom."

(Mark replaces Jake at the phone and Jake changes back to his surfer clothes and over to Terry)

Jake: "Sorry it took so long you know. I got lost in the parking lot."

Terry: "Oh I hate when that happens! Wow knarly toon lets lancer."

(Jake falls over the step)

Terry: "Wipe out! Are you ok?"

Jake: "Yah you know I think I twisted my ankle. I better go and get the ace bandage from my board."

(Walks out and changes back to the suit and over to the phone)

Jake: "Well Mom I gotta go. Youre keeping the most beautiful woman in the world waiting. Good night!"

Tiff: "Jake why are you wearing that necklace?"

Jake: "Well it's a gift for you! I had it in my pocket."

Tiff: "Oh youre so thoughtful."

Jake: "But you know this isnt good enough for you."

Tiff: "No Jake, I love it."

(They fight over necklace and it breaks)

Jake: "See it was cheap merchandise. I'll clean it up." (goes under the table)

(Terry walks by and trips over the shells of the necklace and sees Jake)

Terry: "Hey Seashell. What are you doing here? Did you get lost again?"

Tiff: (kneels down) "Whats going on?"

Jake: "Uhh..."

Terry: "Its ok. My date's a bit of a burnout."

Tiff: "Your date?"

Jake: "Tiff I can explain."

Tiff: "Great! I'm sure your date would love to hear about it.THAT date not this date. I never want to see you again!"

Jake: "Tiff wait!!" (bangs head on table)

Terry: "Oh puka shells. I had no idea pukas traveled this far on land."

SCENE 7: Loft

(Tiff runs inside slamming the door on Jake's face)

Jake coming in panting, "Tiff. Wait. Listen. Water, water..."

(Sly hands Jake an empty water bottle)

Sly: "Hey Jake I didn't know you jogged."

Jake: " I dont, but I should. I've been following Tiffani trying to get her to listen to me."

Tiff: "I did an extra 6 miles on purpose."

Sam: "Tiffani, I know you're upset but look at him."

(Jake kneeling down on the chair, out of breath)

Tiff: "Fine, I'm listening."

Jake: "Thanks. Look I had to go on that date Tiff. It was for charity. Im sorry I nade you so mad honey."

Tiff: "You think I'm mad!!!"

Jake: "Well maybe just a little."

Tiff: "Ugh. When we first got back together you asked me not to hurt you. But what about me? Loves a two way street you know."

Jake: "Yah I know. We just jogged down it. Look Tiff I'm sorry. I should have blown off that other date."

Tiff: "Oh you are so clueless. I'm not hurt because you two timed me!"

Sly: "Why can't I get girls like that?"

(Lorens punches him in the stomach)

Tiff:"I'm hurt becaue you didn't think I'd understand your commitment. And if you think you can't tell me the truth than that means you don't know me."

Jake: "That's not true. I just didn't know that part of you but I do now so I'll never do it again."

Tiff: "You got that right bucko." (shes about to walk about and Tony stops her)

Jake: "Tiff!!"

Tony: "Hey, hey. You know what you two are going through is something all couples go through but don't worry there's a simple solution."

Jake: "What like a relationship counselor? "

Tony: "No, we'll play a dating game!!"

SCENE 8: Sharkeys set up to be a game show

Sly: "Hello Pacific Coast!! Get set for the latest, greatest game show around its-"

Audience: "THe dateless game!"

Sly: "And here's our host Tony Winks!!"

(Tony runs in and on the stage)

Tony: "Hey there. Hi there. Hello there. Let's get right to it. Here he isall the way from outside, Jake Sommers!!"

(Jake walks in)

Tony: "Hey Jake. In a second I'm going to bring out the girls. So what do you say wil you be able to choose your girlfriend or will you end up---"

Audience: "Dateless!"

Tony: "That's right!"

Jake: "Yah picking out Tiff will be a piece of cake. Theres no one in the world like her."

Tony: "Great! Well here comes girl #1. She's a blonde who loves surfing.

(Sam escorts out Tiffani onto the stage)

Jake: "Thats gotta be Tiffani."

Tony:"Girl #2 a blonde who loves surfing."

Jake: "Ok so it's either one or two."

Tony: "Girl #3, oh what a surprise a blonde who loves surfing."

Jake: "Oh boy. Ok girl #1if you found a wallet full of money would you take it?"

Tiffany in an accent, "Absolutely not, it doesnt belong to me."

Jake: "Thats Tiff. Nobody's that honest. Girl #2."

Girl #2: "I'd take the wallet and then I'd give it to the police."

Girl #3: "I would do whatever it took to track down the owner and than I'd give the reward money to homeless orphans."

Tony: "Ok Jake last question. Make it a good one."

Jake: "Alright. If your boyfriend was out of town and Brad Pitt asked you out on a date would you say yes?"

All 3 girls: "Oh no!"

Tony: "Well that's all the time we have here Jake. So what's going to be your decision? Girl #, girl #2, or girl #3?"

Jake: "That's easy its girl #1, no 3 no 2!."

Tony: "Come on Jake,having more than one is how you got here in the first place. Just pick one."

Jake: " This is dumb man. You can't know a person just by askin them a few stupid questions. You know them through experience. I know you Tiffani. I know your stomach is tied in knots right now cause you hate playing games. I know you're hurt because of what I did. ANd if you know me you'd know how bad I feel about it and I'd rather die than hurt you again. I guess I lost." (He's about to walk out of Sharkeys)

Tiff: "Where you going?"

Jake: "I don't know but whereever it is I'm not jogging there."

(They walk to each other and hug)

Jake:"I'm sorry Tiff. I'm sorry for not giving you credit for being able to accept the truth."

Tiff: "I know so we got some work to do."

Jake: "What like getting to know each other better?"

Tiff: "No, like breaking our new record."

(They kiss and Tony pulls them apart.)

Tony: "Well looks like we have a winner!!)

THE END!!